I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Ketchup is God's man juice
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
