He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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