Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
