he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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