We named our party play list daddy issues
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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