I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
