I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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