is your mom at the bar?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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