Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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