i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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