One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
