I want to have your abortion
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
