New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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