I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
