he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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