I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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