Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize