my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Randomize
