I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
