Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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