i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
