Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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