After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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