plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
