yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
