she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
foreskin is a definite game changer
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
