i think my tv is drunk
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
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And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
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Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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