I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
