dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
