Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I CAN MOONWALK!
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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