I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
