SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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