where am i from again
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Randomize
