This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize