last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
