Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
