BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.