I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.