its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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