I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
