she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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