I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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