I am in a vortex of obligation.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
