Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
