she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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