i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
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he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
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If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
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