I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
