it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
