I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
