after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
