This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
