My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
