I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
