well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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