Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
