I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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