just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
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We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
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Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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